2.02.2009

Weird initiatives

Last night I dreamed that in the chaos following a BSG-esque national emergency, Bush was forced to resume the presidency of the United States. In a conference he was reading out a speech that included the line "I fully support wired initiatives," but he hesitated and stumbled over the unfamiliar word, pronouncing it "weird." An aide had to look over his shoulder and correct him as he mumbled about being tripped up. Rahm Emanuel spoke up then and apologized, explaining that the speech had been written for Obama — they never would have put those funny words in Bush's mouth.

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1.03.2009

Yogic physics

I am a great lover of serenity and silence, but there are times when I long to talk back to my yoga instructor.

Now, I hate all the New Agey trappings that the trendy modern brand of hipster yoga is cloaked in, so there are plenty of times during a typical practice where I must simply shut my eyes and tune the chatter out. For me yoga is no more than an effective and agreeable physical exercise, and I would gladly excise the vague mystical overtones and pseudotherapeutic insights that are usually served along with my sixty minutes of physical conditioning. Sometimes it gets to me.

Last week, as we were being goaded to assume a crazy pose where you tip your head back and lose your balance, the instructor embarked on a miniature sermon about fear and letting go: "It's okay if you lose your balance, it's okay if you fall. As children, we weren't afraid to fall. We did it all the time, we loved it. As we got older, something changed, and we became afraid of looking foolish, afraid of losing control. Falling became a shame, an embarrassment. Remember how it used to be when you were a child. Let yourself feel again what it's like not to have that fear."

I had a very strong urge to open my mouth and respond.

"WE HAD MUCH LOWER CENTERS OF GRAVITY THEN!"

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9.08.2008

Alaska ho!

Last year I won free airline tickets in a raffle at the firm's Christmas party, so today Ladysusan and I are off to Alaska for two weeks in search of breaching whales, melting glaciers, snowcapped mountains, tasty salmon, and friendly bears. Thanks to the magic of scheduling, posting will continue uninterrupted in my absence.

In the event that you see two more posts published and then nothing, feel free to assume I was eaten. Otherwise, I'll be back in two weeks...with pictures!

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9.06.2008

Ow.

I have a cramp in my right pinky finger.

Now what kind of a complaint is that? Who's going to take me seriously?

But it hurts. Frequently. That's my ENTER key finger! It's also the one I use for sticking up in the air when I drink tea. And pressing ENTER and drinking tea are two things I do a lot. (Addendum: it seems that I also stick that finger up when pressing any key that is not ENTER. I do that a WHOLE lot.)

Apparently that's just too much for one small digit to bear.

Ow.

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8.15.2008

It's not just a train

I just want to give some props to my favorite subway conductor, whom I had again for my ride home from work yesterday. I sometimes catch him on the odd morning riding the A downtown to Brooklyn. I can always recognize him by his distinctive announcements, which aren't only uncommonly audible, but always delivered in a calm, upbeat, cheery voice that's such a pleasant departure from the usual garbled perfunctory mumbling or angry shouting. Best of all, I love the way he refers to the train as the "Downtown A Express Experience to Far Rockaway," like he's welcoming you to a themepark ride.

You make my day, Favorite Subway Conductor.

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9.22.2007

La rentrée

[CURRICULUM]

Since it's time for back-to-school, even though I'm not going at the moment, I devised this imaginary curriculum for myself. It's a list of courses of the most practical sort -- not the usual esoteric, liberal-arts stuff I might take for the fun of it, but a kick-ass program in real-life skills I've decided I'm sorely lacking.

Just for kicks, let's make this a meme, with rules and tagging and all that. (My first!)

Rules: Devise a list of 5-10 courses you would take to fix your life. It's more fun to be in classes with friends, so include one class from the person who tagged you that you'd also like to take. Tag five.

So, here's my schedule:

Logic for Life
Thorough groundwork in formal logic, critical thinking, decision-making, and debate. Emphasizes everyday applications.

Dance 001: Posture, Poise, Personality
Body posture, behavior, and movement techniques for health, comfort, and grace. Reduce stress and fatigue by building core strength and learn how to carry yourself to project confidence and be at ease in the world.

Dance 102: Social Dance for Non-Dancers
A primer in basic moves for a number of popular and iconic dance styles. You will also work towards developing your own personal, portable freestyle. Comfortably own the dance floor at any social venue. Prerequisite: Posture, Poise, Personality.

Everyday Spanish for Comprehension and Communication
With a focus on reading comprehension and verbal communication, this course enables English speakers to easily interact with a Hispanic environment.

Intensive Arabic for Highly-Paid, In-Demand Government Translation Work
Take advantage of the national need for skilled Arabic speakers and translators, and quickly master the language in this intensive course.

Consumer Skills 202: Basic Bargaining and Consumer Rights
Become comfortable haggling and striking bargains, learn how to recognize and overcome unfair business practices, maximize your consuming power, and stay in control of any transaction to save stress, time, and money.

World Geography
At the end of the course, students will have a high level of familiarity with every part of the planet.

World History 1000 B.C. to Present
Everything you need to know about everything that ever happened. Dates, places, people, reigns, wars, events, cultures, ideas, movements, and eras.

Small Talk Workshop: Advanced Techniques and Topics for Social Mastery
This practical course focuses primarily on in-class practice sessions guided by the instructor. Learn how to keep a conversation flowing seamlessly, ways to move beyond the weather, dealing with unpleasant people, social conventions, appropriate formulas for a variety of situations (polite refusal, soliciting favors, disengagement, etc.), networking, and more.

That should be a pretty full schedule. Now for my tags: LadySusan, Maktaaq, Lynn, Princess Haiku, and...well, darn, I'm out. I actually don't know too many bloggers of the sort that like to do memes, so I guess my fifth is a lame "anybody who wants to!"

Okay, now hit the books.

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9.02.2006

Poetry corner

I would like to present a short poem in the style of Ogden Nash, dedicated to LadySusan.

Syllabub for syllabus
May be substituted thus:
If syllabi were syllabubs,
Then class would pass with hearty glubs,
But spirits would not be as high
If syllabubs were syllabi.

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8.19.2006

Moving day

So the guy who offered to lend me his van didn't come through, and I'm trying to find a truck to rent the day of.



What's that?




Why is everything so hard?

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5.11.2006

Fleeting encounters

TOLL COLLECTOR #1: Hey, you look upset. Something wrong?

TOLL COLLECTOR #2: I've been seeing this great girl. She's cute, funny, friendly, and I think she really likes me. We really hit it off.

TOLL COLLECTOR #1: So what's the problem?

TOLL COLLECTOR #2: She just got an EZPass.

TOLL COLLECTOR #1: Bummer.



I cross the river to and from work every day, and I've been dragging my feet on getting a new EZPass...apart from the usual laziness and forgetfulness, there's also the fact that the toll collectors are all so sweet, and they always perk up when I come through. The cute one gave me a big grin today, asked how I was, and even said it was good to see me again. I always get the feeling that he's working up the courage to say more. How can I just stop coming?

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5.07.2006

Curiosity

Down the street from where I live, between the Mexican grocery/take-out and the site of a former failed restaurant, was a curiosity shop.

"RARE BOOKS - FINE ART - ANTIQUES - GIFTS" read the lettering along the front of the building. There was a swinging sign over the door: "BROOKLINE GALLERY". Every morning the owner would decorate the sidewalk with an assemblage of old nightstands, antique chairs, stacks of baskets, colorful hanging cloth, strings of bells, Chinese straw hats, wooden statues, strange masks, and other curious objects to entice and invite. At the door, where an old-fashioned jangling bell would announce your entry, you would be greeted by the owner or an assistant with a basket of fortune cookies, which it was not possible to refuse.

The owner himself was fittingly eccentric, although there is probably a more severe medical term to describe his behavior. With his relentlessly friendly demeanor, he would instantly latch onto anyone who set foot into his shop, catching unwary browsers quite off-guard. You had to go in prepared to engage him and let him show what he had to offer, so that rather than feel pestered as you tried to look around on your own, you could instead participate in a kind of dramatic spectacle. Trying to ignore the shopkeeper was like trying to sit down and read at the circus -- difficult, frustrating, and completely missing the point.

So you step into the shop of wonders, smile and tear at the plastic of the fortune cookie offered to you, and greet the owner as he comes over to you, beaming. Dimunitive and balding, with a monastic ring of white hair clinging to his temples, he wears an overly formal dove-gray suit and round, wire-rimmed glasses. He asks you how you are, and what you're interested in, trying to draw information out of you. If he gets anything he can use, he'll excitedly lead you from point to point in the shop, proudly showing off anything vaguely related to the subject. When he discovered I had an interest in French, I was taken to the meagre collection of very old French-language books; 19th-century prints and lithographs of French subjects, bearing legends and captions in French; old cassettes of French chanteuses and other more obscure Gallic genres; and other collections of things I can't even recall, as he hopped from place to place like a small bird.

The owner has a son, a tall, sensible, capable-seeming adolescent on whose broad shoulders care for his batty father has evidently come to rest. As I followed his father around the shop, the boy followed us both, rearranging things his father had pulled out to show me and urging him repeatedly to come upstairs (they live in an apartment on the second floor) and eat his soup; it was long past lunchtime, it was getting cold, and he had reheated it twice already. But the shopkeeper was far too excited with his customer to think of soup, until at last the son brought it down to him and he paused long enough to stand and eat it, offering commentary all the while as I took advantage of the respite to browse on my own.

The front room of the shop was crowded with curios and artifacts of dubious value, though interesting to look at: Chinese jades, Egyptian sculpture bookends, miniature Buddhas, chiming medicine balls, Russian nesting dolls, incense burners, carved tobacco pipes, ceramics, listing baskets of all shapes and sizes, postcards, dreamcatchers, costume jewelry. To one side was a narrow room, like a back hall or storage space, lit by a bare lightbulb, containing racks of flowing, colorful Indian clothing and batiks, and the collection of monstrous African masks, which lined the walls and leered down in the small space.

The next room is where the prints, framed and unframed, were kept, wrapped in plastic sheaths and filed in large bins. None of the images was more recent than the turn of the century, and they depicted mostly battlefields, architecture, landscapes, cities and street scenes, men dueling, women in large dresses, and horses and carriages. Around the room were also folded stacks of ornate, heavy cloth, pricey rugs and hangings, which also decorated the walls and lay thick in overlapping heaps on the floor.

The last room, which gave out onto a little square courtyard garden to the side of the shop, a riot of wildflowers and weeds orbiting a discolored reflective gazing ball, contained shelves of books, very old, brown-paged volumes on all kinds of obscure subjects, bargain-bin reject stuff. Old, but not old enough to be precious, just outdated and smelly; obscure, but not enough to be novel, just irrelevant. Etiquette manuals, European history, Impressionist painters, gardening. Isolated volumes of multi-part series. Their supreme value lay in creating a sense of atmosphere for this strange little shop -- too many good ones, and it would be too much book and too little curiosity.

When I came to the giant, glass-cabinet, wood-topped counter with my purchases -- I'd found a couple of slim French volumes worth taking, after all -- the delighted shopkeeper produced a giant ledger-book to record the transaction and scribbled out a receipt for me on little slip of paper, figuring out the tax by hand, this man from another time. I was escorted to the door with grins and thank-yous and other effusive sentiments as I departed. How much could they really manage to sell, after all? Is this strange man independently wealthy, I wondered, is this shop just some sort of hobby? He and his son do most of the work themselves. Despite the occasional hollow-eyed high-schooler standing at the door with the cookie basket, there was always a help wanted sign in the window, and who could manage to work in this place, anyway? It must take a special kind of person.

Last week, I passed by and noticed with a start that the swinging sign was gone, the sidewalk bare of treasures, and the window empty save for a two-liter soda bottle, some jars, and other refuse, and a paper sign taped to the glass: "FOR RENT".

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3.10.2006

For the curious...

I was approached by a stranger in a tea shop last weekend, and told that I looked exactly like the woman in Leonardo da Vinci's Lady with an Ermine:





This is a new one, because usually if I am told I look like anyone it's Dana Scully, like the guy in the gaming store said last month. That's okay with me, too.





So, in case you've been wondering what I look like, now you know.

EDIT:

I forgot to mention, my mother has also always said I have Queen Elizabeth hands:





Although maybe if I just stopped carrying an ermine around everywhere, people would stop saying these things to me.

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2.08.2006

The Future Is Now Later

It's something I've been wondering about for a while...about six years, actually.

Please say the following years out loud (that's it, shout it right out so they hear you in the next cubicle):

1999

2000

2006

2010

2013

2097

2130

I'm curious, what did you say? "Nineteen ninety-nine." "Two thousand." "Two-thousand six." Then what? Did you say "two thousand ten"? Or did you finally jump into the future and say "twenty ten"?

Wouldn't you feel much more futuristic if you were living in the year twenty oh-six, instead of boring old two thousand six? How did this happen? I suppose it's just a carryover from the millennium, when we called it "year two thousand" because we certainly weren't going to call it the "year twenty hundred". We just added on the following year, because what can come after two thousand but two thousand one? Then we just kept adding, and we've made it all the way to two thousand six so far. But we're going to have to make the switch sometime. Did anyone say "two thousand ninety-seven" or "two thousand one hundred thirty" for the last two? We can't have the flying cars or personal jetpacks, but we can at least live in a real century -- the one promised to us so long by scientists and writers of speculative fiction -- instead of in a number.

I predict that the transition will be inevitable by the year twenty ten, and I don't want to hear any "two thousand ten" nonsense out of anybody before then. Let's all just pick that date and start talking about future years in the appropriate terms, okay? Bonus points if you want to change over now and start talking about twenty oh-six and your plans for twenty oh-seven.

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10.26.2005

Least ambitious advertising slogan ever

Proudly painted onto the van of a local landscaping company:

"We Return All Phone Calls"

Moral: If you set your standards low enough, success is almost inevitable.

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10.23.2005

Things that don't go

Car #1 (mine): suddenly having problems starting, will start only by pumping gas; stalls whenever brakes are applied.

Car #2 (mother's): vibrates steadily at speeds below and violently at speeds above 45 mph; will smooth out after several miles of uninterrupted driving, only to recommence cycle once brakes are applied or steering wheel turned to the right; front left wheel heats rapidly; something terribly wrong with brakes.

Body: wracked with allergies, manifested as runny nose and explosive sneezes; refills of required medication withheld for months by multiple doctors pending costly office visits.

Cat: both rear feet badly burned following contact with heated stovetop, foot pads blistered and intermittently bleeding; cat retreating to cabinets to hide and nurse his wounds; prognosis uncertain, fear of possible future infection.

Wish me luck.

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9.20.2005

A treat



I got a package in the mail today -- the cd Sakura by Susumu Yokota, a gift from the amazingly generous mr.h of Giornale Nuovo, who was recently giving cds away for the asking as he occasionally does.

I was lucky to have snagged this one. It's just the kind of funky, minimalist, jazzy, exotic, experimental, ambient instrumental thing I often like to listen to, and I am enjoying it quite a bit. Plus there's the excitement of having interesting things mailed to you by strangers from Sweden, in envelopes bearing Swedish and French writing, stamps, and insignia. (It didn't even occur to me that mr.h hailed -- and mailed -- from anywhere other than America, although the footer of his blog even carries the bold warning Not to be introduced into the British Empire or the U.S.A., which we've violated pretty well now.)

So anyway, it was a delightful treat, for which I thank mr.h heartily. I also recommend readers to visit his always fascinating and very informative blog, which uncovers some of the most unusual treasures of art history, old prints, books, and manuscripts, and all kinds of goodies for the common enjoyment. His latest post, for example, presents the strange and surreal work of nineteenth-century French artist Odilon Redon, and another that I liked a lot recently discusses the seventeenth-century treatise The Discovery of a World in the Moone by John Wilkins.

So go and visit him. He has some great things to share.

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9.15.2005

The story of Blue Tea

When I was a child coloring with my mother, her daring and unorthodox use of color would often shock me. Much to my astonishment, she insisted on green suns, pink grass, and purple trees, while I meanwhile dutifully adhered to the hues prescribed by schoolroom tradition and rudimentary observation.

One day much later, we had purchased a new box of Crayolas and sat down together for some nostalgic doodling. True to form, she began picking out bright crayons and drawing things that weren't usually associated with those colors. She drew, among other objects, a sturdy, squarish mug of swirling, steaming coffee, and it was blue.

"Blue Coffee," I remarked. "That would be a good name for a website."

But it wasn't. I didn't really like coffee all that much, and I felt that whatever I had to offer should be more soothing and introspective, and less jittery. Tea addict that I am, just like my mother, I adjusted the title to Blue Tea.

I used the name for a short-lived website in which a version of this story originally appeared. In the days before blogs, or at least before blogs were mainstream enough for me to know about them, Blue Tea I was a sort of proto-blog, a collection of random, brief writings and rambles updated semi-regularly by hand (no fancy publishing software, no!). It never really got off the ground, and after a few spotty entries, I discontinued it, and I recently removed it from the web, to save on both embarrassment and confusion with my current endeavor.

Because I had the cute little graphic drawn up already (drawn and colored by hand, then scanned and tweaked a bit), and I had the lovely name, I decided to reuse the brand for my new blog when I migrated from Blurty to Blogger. I was still fond of the theme, and decided that my earlier project hadn't done it justice. So here we are.

Since the original project's inception, I have discovered that blue tea, along with black, green, white, red, and potentially others, belongs to the spectrum of real tea varities. I know nothing about it, really, but the odd visitor has showed up to my pages in search of the genuine article. Mine, alas, is but a metaphorical blend, but I hope a tasty one nonetheless.

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9.12.2005

Linlithgo -->

This is the mysterious, strangely alluring sign I routinely pass while driving north on Route 9. I have never heard this place spoken of, nor spotted it on any map -- my only knowledge of it comes from this single green and white sign which is posted at the terminal end of a lonely-looking road winding away from the crest of a particularly steep hill along Route 9, midway between Tivoli and the Rip Van Winkle Bridge.

I have wondered, idly, about Linlithgo. To me, the name evokes some imaginary place out of an extravagant sixteenth-century flight-of-fantasy -- a utopian city-state, a fabled land of youth or gold, a quaint, savage island somewhere beyond the setting sun, a paradisical, prelapsarian garden of singing birds, ripe fruit, and careless nudity, a whimsical, upside-down country populated by midgets or giants or dog-headed men.




What reminded me of this was an excellent article in the latest issue of Strange Horizons, "The Ten Stupidest Utopias!" More in-depth and profound than the title suggests, the article discusses and critiques a number of important classic utopias, from More's foundational text to Plato's Republic, the cyberspace of William Gibson's Neuromancer, and Charlotte Perkins Gillman's peculiarly Amazonian Herland.
Via Bookslut.

And as I recently mentioned, there is some great stuff, particularly the loads of beautiful images (such as the above), in the Utopia expo (French version) at the BnF.

Linlithgo...

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9.08.2005

A post that is actually about tea

Bibi's box has a lovely post all about tea, with some great links:

George Orwell's essay A Nice Cup of Tea about his rules for brewing perfect tea;

the BBC article "How to make a perfect cuppa", which critiques his rules with input from the Royal Society of Chemistry, and offers a challenging tea-themed quiz;

the h2g2 entry on Tea, which discusses brewing methods, including a convincing argument (with cute flash animation!) for pouring the milk first;

and Wikipedia's as-always very comprehensive article on all things Tea.

So of course I have to throw in some links of my own.

In my sidebar, in the new "Tea" category (formerly under "Specialty"), I have two very nice tea-themed blogs:

ANiceCupOfTeaAndASitDown is a charming blog that discusses tea varieties, biscuit brands, favorite spoons, electric kettles, tea tours, and other aspects of the tea-lover's daily life with cheery enthusiasm. Fun features like "Biscuit of the Week" and their own themed merchandise.

Cup of Tea and a Blog is the personal blog of a tea afficianado, and features brewing tips, photos, notes on tea shops, reviews of teas, and links. Lots of very nice stuff.

Another worthwhile blog, not in my sidebar but bookmarked, is Morning Coffee & Afternoon Tea, which celebrates hot caffeinated beverages of all (or at least two) kinds with recipes, news items, links, art, reviews, and more. In fact, scratch that...I don't know why this blog isn't in my sidebar, I'm going to add it now.

So after reading all the above hints and tips on how to brew tea, I decided to try it their way. I generally brew my tea straight in the mug, using a tea bag -- I would love to switch to loose leaf tea, finances permitting. I pour the milk in afterwards. Before these articles, I'd never heard of another way. But I decided to change a few things, and see if I could notice a difference.

So I dusted off my white teapot and tried a few new tricks. I filled the pot a quarter of the way with water and microwaved it, to preheat the pot. I was uncertain if the pot was microwave safe. I'm still a little unsure, since the water tends to heat slowly but one little spot at the bottom of the spot gets alarmingly hot very fast. I really hope the thing doesn't break. I made sure to keep the water for the tea boiling as hot and long as possible, and not cool down when I took it off the heat -- I knew the water had to be hot, but I didn't realize that it should be boiling when poured. I tried to respect the 3-5 minute brewing time, since I'm apt to just leave the bag in for twenty minutes. I don't mind strong, but I decided to give the short brewing time a try for taste. I realize that strength depends on the amount of tea, not the brewing time. And finally, I poured the milk in the cup first, and added the tea. As I feared, I used too much milk, and furthermore the tea was rather weak from brewing for such a short time. The tea was nice, but too weak and milky for my tastes. A second attempt with a little less milk and a little more brewing time produced a similar result. I think next time I'll use even less milk, and try two bags. I do use a large mug. I'll get it right. I think it will make a difference.

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9.01.2005

More on Grimm:

A Blog of Glup gives us a sneak preview of all the action and excitement of the Grimms' lives as it will be portrayed in the movie in an INSIDE SCOOP ON HOLLYWOOD BLOCKBUSTER THE BROTHERS GRIMM!!!!!!

Jake's (Heath Ledger) appointment as secretary of Jerome Bonaparte's library in WESTPHALIA! Will's (Matt Damon's) contributions to the Deutsches Wörterbuch, foundation of modern German etymology! Jake's literary endeavors! The publishing of the three-volume DEUTSCHE GRAMMATIK!

Oh...swoon!

Meanwhile, folks at Language Log ponder other scenarios comparable to the mangling of fact in the Grimms' story in Disowning the Brothers Grimm:

Imagine a Life of Noam in which, through the miracle of miniaturization, the heroic Chomsky (played by Brad Pitt in a revealing latex bodysuit) takes a band of brawling adventurers into the deepest recesses of the human brain, to recover bits of the language organ for sale through his start-up company -- a sort of cerebral 21st-century Fantastic Voyage. Appalling.

Or alternatively:

... 200 years from now a movie (or whatever form of mass entertainment they may use) on Spielberg's harrowing attempt to fight off dinosaurs from the Temple of Doom with the help of his loving extra-terrestrial friend.

My original reactions to the movie's trailer here. I should really just see this movie and get it over with already.

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8.31.2005

A conversation I had today

CO-WORKER: So are you in school?

ME: I just graduated.

CO-WORKER: Where did you go?

ME: Bard.

CO-WORKER: Ah. Yeah, I noticed the big words.

ME: I didn't know they were hanging out so prominently!

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