Dead Scotty jokes

I must say, I have felt no small amount of regret since using a variant of a "beaming up" joke to announce the death of James Doohan last week. It was a lamentable lapse of originality, and even though I knew better, I just couldn't resist. I expected better of myself.

At least I tried to keep it somewhat restrained. I didn't use the full on "Beam me up, Scotty," nor some ill-concieved variation on the theme: "Beam me up, God," "Last beam-up," "Beamed up to the big starship in the sky," or, perhaps worst of all, "he couldna give 'er any more" or "his dilithium crystals finally gave out" (and yes, these lines have ALL been used, abundantly).

(Fun fact: did you know that the line "Beam me up, Scotty," is spurious? It was never actually uttered on the show.)

I'm sure that when DeForest Kelly died a few years back, the cries of "He's dead, Jim!" were flying pretty fast and furious. I don't really remember it, but I would be shocked if it weren't so. All this got me to thinking -- how will the eventual deaths of the remaining original cast members be acknowledged? I'm sure we can predict the results right now...

William Shatner is the oldest remaining cast member by four days (March 22, 1931; Leonard Nimoy, March 26), so let's start with him. His death will likely also be accompanied by the frequent refrain, "He's dead, Jim!" Maybe one or two comments like "He's gone to captain that big starship in the sky"...but no, mostly "He's dead, Jims."

Nimoy's a bit tougher. "Lived long and prospered" will probably be the mainstay. None of the Wrath of Khan death stuff will really be useful...needs of the many, have been and always shall be your friend... All in all, Nimoy probably gets the nicest and most respectful death catchphrase. Through pure coincidence, you understand.

News of Nichelle Nichols's passing will be greeted with the words "Hailing frequencies closed." And maybe something contorted about not being able to hail her where she is, hailing Heaven, hailing God, or some such. But they will be very contrived, and most people will stick to "Hailing frequencies closed," the final "sir" optional.

I think coverage of the deaths of Walter Koenig and George Takei will be much more reserved, simply because there aren't any obvious puns to be made. None of the standard things you might say about someone dying have a V sound to turn into a comic Russian W in Koenig's case, and no one can remember anything memorable that Sulu said. Again, a last resort might be something about piloting the big starship in the sky, but since not many people will be making these kinds of jokes, it simply won't be fashionable.

Mark my words. It will happen.

And sorry again for the "beamed up" thing.

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Blogger PsychoToddler:

I read it here first.


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